Don't ask...

Probably the worst day of my stay in oman,so far...touchwood,will be the only one..
Early morning commute to a site 40 kms away..our 4x4 developed a flat..desert all round...middle of the highway to rusayl..not a vandi/human form in sight !
P,his boss and me..waiting for the mechanic's pickup...i was sitting at the back..earplugged to some tam tracks on my laptop..sitting in front means-idle conversation..i hate that...unless i'm alone with the driver..the topics are varied when u sit with a driver..with the project team,it's very 1-D and project-specific..not my ideal drive...
The heat must have got to the old man's head..he made an innocuous statement about my company..had been getting the odd comment over the past few days but had politely ignored it...this was a bit too much..ok,u want it dirty..you'll get it exquisitely dirty..an argument..a dirty one..i had expected it..happens in any project..better to set up the battle-lines and know who's what,rite now...i didnt hold back..and until the mechanic came and fixed the vehicle,the old man rambled on...i had already got an ok for something like this from my superior..so had nothing to lose..i was still very much under control("I'm sorry i cant comment on that,sir..No sir,I cannot tell you how much it costs to implement the same thing in India..that would be confidential..)..he wasnt..like with most slanging matches,nobody won..and was of no use to anybody..typical.pity.

Reached the site,finally..did the most stupid kinda work possible,once there..my agenda was to just train people and walk out..i didnt want to sit and help them do data-entry!
*Will be a talking point when i have the next telecon with my superior..schedule slippage is not due to us,definitely not !*
Was so frustrating that i sent a group sms to a large number of people,something i'v never done ! a few of you responded..chatted with you over a coupla msgs..felt good..thanks..thanks for the words of support,guys...appreciate it...sorry,i disturbed you..was just one of those days..

Actually...I am becoming a cat in this kinda stuff..
I have a theory..people can be classified into cats or dogs...or fish...
Cats are self-involved,highly independent..and most importantly will turn to say "hi" to you only when in need(food !)...no pleasentries in the interim...hate being disturbed...especially after a nap...will purr when it wants to...will meow when it wants to...
A dog on the other hand..is almost a stupid animal..very affable..very open..will wag it's tail irrespective of whether hungry or happy..bark loudly..is a friend,irrespective of gain..
Fish just exist...they dont live..oxygen tank..fishtank full of celan water...food on time...mouth-open,breathe air..mouth-closed,reproduction time..very boring and tiring..had got a coupla goldfish as a present in bombay..kameena A gave it..and i had to feed it at the end of every tiring day...just to rid myself of the guilt..Jai and Veeru passed away due to gluttony !
:(
Coming back...I think i'm turning into more of a cat personality..and dont really dont mind it,actually...still debating within myself,if thats good or bad...
Come back to office...mails,replies..
blog,new entry ? nope too tired...
drink ? did that yesterday..and it's a dance bar at the Holiday Inn...
*thats the only option here..you need a beer ? it'll come free with a few hideously made-up girls dancing to an old hindi tune:(..not my ideal mugga-beer..
Walked out from the place after a beer,yesterday...
*J's 25th birthday will not rank under one of his most "happening" affairs,ever...*

They say...everything has a silver lining..
there were two in this black cloudy day...Called up home,after almost a week..chatted with Mom and came to know that the neighbour's kid ate upma for breakfast a month back..."so interesting,Mom !" :))
Guess all Moms are like that...highly irrelevant stuff on ISD calls ! but then, i think i like mom this way..
:)
Second one..saw a swing...just adjacent to the baddie court...while on a break between games...the kid within me said "DO IT MISTER ! It's been ages !!!"
Not ages actually...just a coupla years...on a swing..
:)
Coupla years back..during our last few days at iit...Rohit,Db and Me...12 AM...tea time..chalo long-drive...2 vandis..huh ! the children's park empty and inviting ! and we went nuts on the slide,the swing and the sand...25+ future-of-the-country-naujawaans and playing like kids !
The watchman tried to chase us away..bribed him with a tenner...had our fill..
:)
Prof.GAK saw us jumping the fence and exclaimed "Bacchon ki tarah kya kar rahe ho !"
"Last few days in paradise,saar..aap hi ke bacche hain..."-our response...
:)
Broke my newly-developed i-hate-making/taking-calls trait...
Called up Deebs and reminded her about the time...Db all excited and ha-ha about it...chatted about her new job and life in bombay...
*she's apparently joined a gym and intends to lose weight..again..uff,i give up girls...You are not over-weight !! *
Advised me to not fool around with the girls in fatwa-jihad-land !
*Wonder why everybody says that to me ! I have been such a nice-boy ever since birth ! To even expect me to change..tch tch :)))*
tolerated the girl yack..with DB it's not too tough..we can almost predict the other..A,her husband,is sooo lucky !
*I dont grudge him the coochie-coo talk tho..DB can be very "girlie" sometimes...uggghhhhhhhhhh ! :)) *
Called up Mr.Murder Morde...*busy*..gaali sms...just 2 i could make...until zero charge...so...
"haraami marathi kutte ! kiske saath raat ke barah baje(IST) gulchaadde uda raha hai bey !? 12 AM IST and phone busy ??found a new one,eh ? Which sex this time ? hmmm.. =))"
"No da...client call da...sorry daa...and marathi puneri ko gaali deta hai !teri toh,etc..etc..*beep* *beep*...meri *beep* *beep* beep* beep * beeeeeeeeeeeep* "
"Change of profession,eh...Mr.Morde ? salesman to pimp,eh ? Like the language..work on it =))"
:))
spoke until i got disconnected-out of charge !
:)
So..How was my day ?? Dont ask...Just dont ask..
:)

God-level,macha !

A research paper on IITM slang !!
*No joke...It's a "Student Slang at IIT Madras-A lingusitic Field study" thesis by Frau.Evelyn Richter..*
Hats off,Madame..Hats off ! Awesome research topic !
Bleddy awesome,i say,bleddy awesome !
:)

PS: The Prof's in the "Acknowledgement" section are familiar names..It's sister department of the DOMS at IIT Madras..

Pointers...

I am at a stage in my life..when given half a chance,i will give you free fundas...i apologize,incase you dont like it..but then it's my blog..
and "frankly my dear,i dont give a damn..."(Rhett butler in Gone with the wind...)
So...here goes...
I need to give a presentation to my client..detailing the work done in the last coupla days...every other day,end of day..highlight the successes,downplay the losses/bottlenecks...
Ensure complete client acceptance of new initiatives..new templates/formats...it takes me 15 mins to prepare a presentation..15 mins to give it...
and an hour of chai-biskoot/questions from bored,tired,*why's-this-baccha-bugging-us-daily expression* SBU heads..
Some pointers which i try to implement everytime...and...which mite be useful to somebody else too,if faced with a similar situation...

1. Donot,i repeat,donot...spin stories in the ppt...it needs to be concise..to-the-point...and in fact,a little vague..abstract is fantastic,but then this is not an art museum intro..
Why be vague ? cos you are giving it.If all the info is available on the screen...whats the point of you being there ?

2. Tone,voice...modulation..all the usual MBA jazz...but,most important...eye-contact...180 degrees...right to left..left to right...relaxed voice..is useful...like in dramatics,donot ever ever show your back to the audience..

3. There are 2 kinds of presentations in the world (like with most other things..:)..
A. The Training types - I have ever only done one of these..in my limited experience,sitting with the audience and explaining it step-by-step works..i wouldnt know,worked for me tho...
B. The FYI types - Like the one i'm talking about above...maintain distance..be curt,but polite..be funny but dont make them laugh..be there,but inconspicuous...
(and all that rusty(Pitt) says to lineaus(Damon) in Ocean's 11..very useful..:))

4. Always better to take questions while you are giving the presentation..Why ?
A. For one,you can answer it then and there..while you are hot on the topic..
B. More importantly..if the question is dicey,you can always say "Oh yeah...thats a very good question...i have tackled it in the next few slides.." and promptly push it under the carpet..
:)))

5. The most important time in a presentation..question time..
You will always find atleast one over-enthu i-need-to-prove-something-by-asking-a-100-questions-today person in your audience..
A. You can boost his ego by congratulating him on his knowledge of the subject...which is obvious..when he tries to pull you down..
B. But then..that's crude and mahatma-gandhiish..i dont believe in giving up without a fight,unless bored...try this..has worked for me...give a quizzical face expression while he's asking a question that you know the answer to...he'll be thrilled...then...the master stroke...answer it by acting as though you are actually formulating it as you speak...he'll be even more thrilled...thinking he's got you...back against the wall...now show him the damn thing on the product directly...with thorough,precise movements..explain it in detail...with examples...that shld put him in his place !
*Now do you see the usefulness of keeping the ppt vague enuf...and a few points in your pocket..:)*

6.Question time funda no.2...and this is the best that i have ever learnt...and something i tend to use a lot in any presentation,i give...from the master himself...Mr.G.A,an MBA Senior...didnt know him too well..a common friend,GM,one night in the first year,wanted to booze on top of the water tank on campus...yeah,things you do in college are weird..open sky,drunk threesome..top of a 50 ft barrier-less water tank..yeah.. THE place for fundas...
An answer to a question which has many points-1,2,3,etc....Donot go all over the place with answers..lets say,you have 3 points to talk about,off the top of your head as the answer...and know that there are 5 actually...start the answer...saying 5 points on which to talk about..Start with 1..put your brains on overdrive and remember 4...great !
You are almost ending 4...and you still havent got 5 ? and you have commited to "5" points..no problemo,senor...fake it ! phatte yaar,simple..but make sure you come up with a good one...if nothing else strikes you at that point...mix and match 1,2,3 and 4 and come up with 5 !
:)
Actually..to be serious...the motive is very important..more than the process...saying 5 points and ennumerating them 1,2,3,4,5...gives it a pro feel...a this-guy-knows-what-he's-talking-about feel...very useful for this and the next few presentations to the same audience...

Most important...know your audience...know their competencies...more importantly,know their weaknesses...if you are trying to sell them something they dont want,very very useful piece of information !

Overall all-encompassing funda,donot lie...say you dont know,if you dont know...and that you'll get back...do your research during the break and clarify before End of session ..or in the next session max...gives you credibility...humility is useful,sometimes...arrogance is essential..most times !
:)
just kidding !
So..there...happy presenting ! May your audience be convinced ! or confused !!
:)

PS: And thank me,you ungrateful soul ! That you didnt need to get drunk a 100 times and spoil your liver trying to understand all these kinda things...you just needed to type a url and press enter !
:)

I listen..I learn...I enjoy...therefore,I am...

Some arabic words...I hope to use the last one...sometime soon...one and two..for now...doing just fine with them...thank you...

"Sulaiman"
Pronounciation : Su-lai-maan
Function : Noun
Usage : "Ek Sulaiman dena,chacccha/chetta"
Meaning : Tea...without milk..

PS: Chaccha,if paki...chetta,if mallu...no other permutation/combination possible..

"Kelb"
Pronounciation : Khilb(sudden,has to sound harsh...For Emphasis-To be pronounced quicker..)
Function : Noun
Usage : "Khilb !"
Meaning : dog...(apparently the lowest creature form in these parts...)

"Ana-behibek"
Pronounciation : Anaaa Bey-hi-bek(For Improved Results-a Guitar/Violin would be handy..If it goes horribly wrong..i never said a word..i dont know you...)
Function : Noun,verb
Usage : "Maafi maaloom arabic...but...ana behibek..."
Meaning : I Dunno arabic...but..I love you...

Disclaimer :Use at you own discretion..and consider appropriately relevant safety criteria before use..

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