Ol' man italian body performer...

This post is long..it is descriptive..it has a lotta references..to my life and friends at iit..
Something that you,the reader,mite not relate to/with..
i suggest..you be prepared..to be bored and doze ..or walk away,rite now..the choice,as always..is yours..

Also..As a mark of respect..to celebrate a punter's demise from singlehood..bachelorhood..and allied hoods...
and his stepping into the annals of holy matrimony..and perpetual no-money...
This blog will be shut down..until april 29th...

Db,Rohit,Ab,Arun,Surd,Kelya..sabhi honge...in pune..april 29th..
My Friend, Philosopher and Guide - Shubham chatterjee ki shaadi mein..

*Taught me how to drink only as much as I can handle...and when happy..not when sad...
to dope...only when happy...ONLY ! and with a lotta friends around..
and smoke a cigarette...alone.."ek dum lagaake aaj mein sochaa.." :D
and to live life..simple living,high thinking..
some fundas amongst...a lotta bullshit ! :)*

And..For the first time since passing out of college,everyone in the core gang will be able to meet up..except me..
On an occassion i would have loved to be a part of...

*Something i will miss out on...damn my job ! And damn this country ! :(*

So...this post..is an epitaph..
'In solemn memory of Shubham Chatterjee..he was...a single guy..'
And i am not joking abt that..people change..after a marriage..have always done..always will..it's called 'Change in priorities'..

Our last conversation..when he was in KSA...
He put it very beautifully..missed india so much more.. and..said..
honeymoon plans..at bangkok,phuket,patang,and the general area..

Me: "theek hai...magar hero..but thats a bachelor's paradise..not for married couples ! imagination ko peeche chodh dete hain,suna hai ! "

SC: "yaar..issii liye toh..one last set of flings..Feathers in our respective caps,Sab and I !"

Me: "Market-'penetration' in the far-east,too,eh !?
wahaan pe bhi chote-chote nanhe-munhe shubham chatterjee bhaagte dikhenge...ek saal baad,kya !?":)))

*We have had debates and unanimously negative verdicts..abt his ability..to 'perform',you know..considering his age..he smokes like a chimney and is almost 34,so ! :D*

SC: "To be quite serious...meiney soch liya hai..Nahi chahiye yaar..nahi chahiye..i am done with this foreign travel,man..
saala...ladki seen through the eyeslits in her burkha..all blacks..
lagta hai in logon ne toss kiya rahega..long back...
ki...safed frock ladke pehnenge..and kaala waalaa ladkiyan pahenengi...
no booze,no girls..no life...ekdum black and white movie ban gayee hai,life !
the money is not as attractive,as expected..hum toh waise bhi blue-collar hi rehna pasand karte hain..
Got to get back to Pune,man..bombay ki aisi ki taisi...I want my 3B's at arm's length.."

*3B...is a very marathi word...apparently..Bai(women),bokkad(mutton)..and botal(booze)...:D*
*another one...from the pune crowd..."arre ABCD ho gaya !"..said when a girl's underpants are visible..perchance,not on purpose !"Aga Bai Chaddi Distoi !"...stands for.."Yo,woman! your undies are being seen !" :D*

Me: "Seriously yaar,totally agree.. thak gaye..thak gaye, bhaag bhaag ke..Waapas chalte hain.."
Mere ek ullu ke badle....India mein hajaar ullu milenge..who are mesmerized by the glow of the dollar..the accent..
and sunny california..firangi girls..and budweiser beer..
Humko apna "Missal-pav,kaanda maarke !" pasand hai.."

*Missal Pav is a very marathi eat..missal is a mix of lentils,groundnuts...and assorted fried stuff,basically..in a hot,fiery,spicy curry..
and pav is..well pav..bread..kaanda is onions..as a garnish..yum ! yum !!
Is a staple of the mumbai mill-workers..and will therfore be found best..in the dadar-parel marathi heartland areas..
Was my fav. snack,while at work in bombay..even breakfast sometimes !!:D*

*And..Sab=Sabita..Shubham's ex-girlfriend..of the last 5-6 years..
and now..fiancee :)
and one of the most fun people,i have ever met ! Perfect,to keep Mr.Chatterjee firmly rooted to the earth ! :D
For example..when Mr.Chatterjee indulges in his annoyingingly disgustingly ridiculous habit of being in a towel..(only!!)..post-volley game,etc..
And rubs his tummy....:O disgusting habit !
he's horrible, and we were always "ohmigawd ! pleaaaaseee !!" abt it..grossed-out,i have run out of his 136,cauvery room a lotta times :D
Not sab...Well..she adopts a different approach..and did so rite in front of me !
She started rubbing her tummy..which freaked everybody out considerably...including the uber-gross Mr.Chatterjee,too..so...both stopped rubbing tummies..
:D
Thanks yaar,sab..for all the good times in pune..and the offer to find me a nice girl...promises,promises..hmmppph..
yeah,yeah..i'll come to pune..when i get out of this hell !
and..i have told you so many times now.....what a dreadful mistake you are abt to make..
but naseeb,fate,anhonee..kuch nahi kiyaa jaa sakta :D
Waapas aaoonga toh we'll goto Soho's again,theek hai ?
and this time you can take me to german bakery..not shubham ! i am bored of cold coffee !!! :)*

There are too many instances to recount..And will not do enuf justice to the things we have gone thru...together...all of us..
Sitting in front of the girls hostel..bird-watching..and sipping tea..
Sitting at ravi's tea stall..and discussing arbit topics..
group assignments..group boozing...facing off each other in games..

*Hostel loyalties are huge..and a cauvery vs. krishna game,altho PG..still meant..we went for the other's throats !!
Hell ! i remember surd's foul-after-foul in an inter-hostel-wing football game..with shubham in the opposition !*

Sitting in your bombay house..and having a peg..discussing the trucking industry in india..

*Do you know that truck financing in india..is fascinating ? and that money is made only on the resale value and not on the per km road trucking ?! Neither did i !! :D*

Or..what kinda person would have wanted to become a bus driver..a traffic policeman..a poet..
:)

And..It bugs me no end that i'll not be able to make it to atleast one of the events in his marriage..
*Made it to Kelya's engagement..and Db's reception...this is my first miss..*

Zindagi mein bahut kam hi roya hoon..dukh toh bahut hua hai..magar roya bahut kam hoon..
but real men do feel pain..and have weak moments...and say it..so...
aaj pain hai..aaj mein weak hoon..

Few instances come to mind...quite vividly whenever i think of Mr.Chatterjee..

When Kelya,shubham and I were discussing Artificial intel..and how kelya made a robot which...could be well...a robot..
:D
I wasnt listening..and shubham was daydreaming...at 3:00 AM ! while kelya rambled on...and on..and on..
Still remind him sometimes..and he'll start all over again !
:D

And...
PB..A very over-enthu, an-idea-a-day junior had asked me once..
"Kini..kaunsi company coming next ?"
before i could answer...Impolite...but oh-so-thotful and right-time interjection..by Shubam..

*cos..he knows,mornings are a very bad time..for me..i hate talking..i have a glum expression..and i hate having had to wake up..*

"Yaar...Sun..kini..right now has..a cigarette in his right hand..
a cup of tea in his left..a sponge cake in his mouth...which he over-stuffed and is having a tough time pushing thru...
a typical-breakfast day...
Class in 5 mins..marketing presentation at that...our group-surd,kelya,me and kini-is first..
he doesnt trust kelya and surd who have gone ahead to class,just now..to prepare..
he has a backup floppy copy of the ppt..in his front left pocket..as usual..
Woh abhi mentally plan kar raha hai...just like me...
how do we start,who goes first,what do we need to do to make a 'hatke' presentation..
and land a good grade..
and..just now a girl zoomed past..on a bike..very tam-bram looks..
his mouth is an :O expression still.."abey ! muh bandh kar !"
and is still wondering..
"yeh kaun hai yaar ?! isse pehle kabhi nahi dekha ! zaroor day scholar hogi..wonder which department..
hmm..pata karna hoga from our sources inside the girl's hostel..DB ! where's DB when you need her !?!"

So..With these things going on in his head..
Do u really think..rite now..he cares which company comes and picks you up ?
Tujhe kya lagta hai ?? "
:))

Now you know why i miss being in india...and making it to shubham's wedding..and being with my gang..
Cos,each of them can accurately describe what's going on...in the other's head ! thats why !
:)

This mail thread..kinda summarizes what i am trying to say..dost hai yaar..

Shubham wrote:

Mr Kini,
The leader of the anti chatterjee brigade... How are you?
and when do you plan to come back and add weight to your motherland.

Would have been great seeing you for the reception, anyway you can always celebrate it remotely, its a virtual world afterall..

Will be going on leave from the 20th, still got quite a few things to do man.
Four or five from our IIT Madras gang should be there, spoke to virdee about it.

Hope ope things are going fine with you, will try and catch up when you are back...

take care,
Shubham

Bhavdeep Virdi wrote:

dear mr. vardharajan,

when kini said "anyone can find a girl if shubham can" he meant anyone human... not a drunk elephant who pukes on others...

high hopes you have but someone said "hope is the quintessence of all human anomaly..."

V...

Arun wrote:
>your last line tempted me to go a little bit
>further....
>I was reminded on the lookouts you had on Sharav and
>roaming about with that t-shirt of Kelkar - the
>painted one .. remember??

ritzkini wrote:
> :))
> shubham..congrats..aur kya bolun..sabitha
> phansi...will talk to her..and try to convince her
> abt the rash step she plans to take..but..then
> naseeb,thLayeDuttha,haNebarah..what to do..apni apni
> life..apni apni bad luck..
> :D
>
> Fortunately for you,i'll not be able to make
> it..oman is such a happening country that i have
> decided to settle down here ! inspite of hajaar
> attempts by friends,family and boss to get me back> to india ! :-/
>
> paisa bach gaya na ! one dinner less...a few pegs
> saved,na...khush reh ! thats the one good news you'v> got ever since u started planning this marriage..and
> cribbing abt the marriage costs,honeymoon costs,that
> ABC pays you peanuts,abt saudi arabia and the
> sad,dry life you had there..and the situation with
> the irish-americans in south africa..and the
> problems they face in chatting in swahili...
>
> Arun,Kelya,Surd,Db,Morde..i think that'll be the
> attendance list...dont think anybody else is close
> by or that desp abt free booze and lunch ! Cool !
> guys,have fun !
> Enjoy guys..please do eat your heart out ! i dont
> need to tell you abt the booze part ! you guys are
> smart..
> And..It always gives me great pleasure when i see
> shubham chatterjee in pain..has been,will always be..
> kelya and me,3 AM.."chal na,chal na quarks chalte hain.." ring a bell ?
> :D
> So..Congrats again..and..Anti-Chatterjee Brigade
> zindabad !
> *We are too many to be just a club..thats why the> brigade ! :D*
>
> k
>
> PS : Baaki log mar gaye kya ?! sigh..it was good to> have known you...when you guys were alive..
>
> PPS: Moral of the story..we still have some hope> left,all ye single guys..if shubham chatterjee can
> get hooked...ANYBODY CAN !!!
>
>
> Bhavdeep virdi wrote:
> abe Dada, daru kaun si hai?? Shadi ki
> mubarakbaad baad mein denge... and keep stock of>
paneer, no chicken... bird flue chal raha hai... Ok
> I am besharam...
>
> well if anyone wants to come from Madras, then "GO AIR" gives the cheapest rates for the route Chennai
> - Pune - Chennai... I know all of you, even after me
> telling you the rates, all of you are going to check
> the site...
>
> Personal messages to few people:
>
> Morde, stop sending porn messages at 2 in the
> night...
> Michael, we kicked Arsenal again... High five!!!!
> Dada, sorry to say the Gunners went out of the
> arsenal again... See you at your marriage... and
> congrats and all that...
> Kini, stop looking at the "Go Air" site... You are
> in Oman...
> Bhavani, you are not fat...
>
> V...
>
>
>
> shubham chatterjee wrote:
> Dear all,
>
> I invite you all to my wedding reception on the 29th
> April in Pune, kindly take some time off and grace
> the occasion with your presence.
>
> Hope to see you there, the ones who cant make it
> will miss good food and great booze so decide and
> let me know.
>
> regards,
>
> Shubham


Door ek gaaoon hai..
Wahaan pe thandi chaaoon hai..
Behti nadiyaa hai..
Jaana hai nadiya ke paar...
kare mera intezaar...
mera bichada yaar...
mera bichadaa yaar...
(Courtesy : Strings..with MBY...)