Conversations with family...

I come from a very tightly-knit family...on both sides-mom and dad...
Dad's side is all system and discipline...
For Ex: We dont use allopathic medicines at home...havent done so for 15 years now...
A balance in everything we do...eat,sleep,etc...
Yeah..would have been boring...but...not exactly..it's required when...
The other side,Mom's..is so much of indiscipline,have fun,live for the moment..types
bearhugs and laughter...leg-pulling...and generally having a good time...
So..yesterday was my aunt's birthday(my mom's elder sis- K-akka)...
*Mom reminds me about all this kinda stuff...i'm horrible at it..*
I call up..to wish her...and the official-voice trick - " May i speak to Mrs.M ?" lasted for just about 2 secs..
she recognized my voice..like that !
:-/
So much for a neat pull..She's smart..she has to be...when she's the mother of 3 crazy sons !
:)
My cousins D,V and A...my brothers,actually...
dont think mom/aunt looked at us as one apart from the others..we definitely dont !
One is in America..married..has been there for the last 6 years now..
saala hindustan ka ehsaan faramosh..ab to Green card bhi mil gaya..ab kya problem hai ? :)
The second,V is a CA..in blore..when he's not travelling round the world..
The 3rd,A is running a florist's boutique in jayanagar,blore.....
Their dad passed away while they were just kids..
My Dad has tried to be a good godfather..
My friends..their friends..there really was no difference..we stay just 2 streets apart..
with granny(when she was alive..) in between..
Have spent a countless summers at our uncle's place(then a bachelor) in m'lore ..and had such a gala time making our own rules and not sticking to it..that our Mom's have had to come to M'lore personally to take us back..to school ! :(
we played hide and seek together as kids...used to jump b/w houses a la matrix...jlt..
we didnt know what we were doing,then..ask me to do it today,and i mite do it for just over a million dollars...cash !
:)
We have played cricket together..broken a lotta windowpanes..fixed them..
broken a lotta bones..ours...and the enemy's...not bothered to fix them..
*I have stitches b/w my eyebrows and on my chin as reminders of my wild days..it was a phase..*
my cousin D has fallen from the first floor...on his head..
and exclaimed "But Mom,i was trying to do a somersault,a la "36th chamber of the shaolin" !"
:))
He's ok..mentally imbalanced,dont worry....sis-in-law hasnt complained..yet...
V was the "Mama's boy"..and still gets leg-pulled on that...
*Must be suffering from a complex of some sort..last time surd came home,on my way from bombay..we visited them..
V was brandishing an Air-gun and teaching my 6-year old nephew,how to use it...Surd...was a little confused.. :))*
I..b/w V and A,age-wise...was somewhere in between..perenially confused and lost...as always...
Should I jump ? or shldnt i ? what the heck ! and...bham ! "yeah..wat next ? again ?! get it right this time ? ok...fine"...and...bham...again...Mummmmmmy !!!
:)
A was the champ ! Eldest bro D said "i shld hit the ball/his head...I did ! both !!"
:))
Nope..we were good kids..never get into a fight that you can avoid..we were told...
we tried hard...not to avoid...consequently,we fought...
:P
Had a good chat with K-akka(I have always called her what my mom calls her..just a habit i cant let go..)
So..she tells me " Dont you dare fall in love and get married to a non-konkani girl..
I will personally "gaandi sollu kaDthafy" you !"
*Relevant konk to english translation- "I'll skin your ass !" :))*
"It's still ok to roam the city with a girl...not blore...cos the word will spread..but...no marriage business,ok ?!!"
"Of course not,akka...you think i'm crazy ?I grab her hand...and what if she refuses to leave it ?for life ?? dont worry,will come back single.."
"Hmm..I have always had doubts about you since the day you left for PG..4 years back...I will get to know whats happening..you know that dont you ?"
"Of course Ma'm..."
*Mom and she are part of a vast shadowy network of like-minded aunts/cousins/relatives/friends/ex-colleagues/neighbours/childhood friends,etc..
their prime objective is the decimation,destruction and absolute removal of singlehood amongst guys and girls-our age..via marriage ! :-*
Next up was a call to my eldest cousin sister...my role-model..also from my mom's side...
her wedding anniversary yesterday..her birthday tomorrow.. So..
Caught her in the airport,on her way to udaipur...india's largest private bank is sending her on a paid holiday there..unfortunately it's a training/seminar kinda thing at one of those lake palaces ! What a waste ! :-/
Treasury Manager at the bank..i have always told her about the possibilities...of forgery and fraud..that we can contemplate and pull off...
She doesnt seem to listen...ever !
:-/
Mother of 2 bratty,boisterous,noisy,always-clamouring-for-more daughters...
and still can do aerobics and stretch her legs apart on the floor turning her body into an inverted T !
:O
Very focussed..very casual..and still very pro..i have learnt a few things from her...still a lot to learn,tho..
So..first question after the pleasentaries."When are you back ?"
I said "Why do you ask ? Whos getting married ? you ? or me ??"
*We tend to make it to every family wedding..
hadnt missed even a single one until last year..and she was trailing me then..
now she's overtaken me,staying in blore :-/ so,the question...*
She retorts "What a creep ! How can you say that on my anniversary ?"
* i get that a lot "creep" "snob"..etc...from her especially...:)*
"ok...fine...I dunno if i will be back for your wedding.. but i hope to be back for mine...:))
And...talking about anniversaries..who's at the airport ? Wheres hubby dear today ? China,US,far-east or the moon ?"
"Ask him yourself ! you have his number and you both get along so well..anyways..
Thats besides the point darling..I heard your sis has decided to defer marriage..till she deems fit ! a rebel,at this age !? "
"so ?? I completely agree..I think she's taken a smart decision for the first time in her life.."
"hmmm.. i guess...anyways...gotta go..my flight call..bye..keep calling.."
"And waste my money ? fat chance ! bye..:)) ok...an affectionate bye now..."
"You will never change rit&%%..:)"
*that &%% is what i am called at home..and you''ll laff ur guts out and pull my leg ever after if i ever tell you that !*
"bye.."
So..Conversations with family..or is it crazy people ?
Well..they are crazy people..but..family...
:)

Bcos,it gives me something to do,Nate...

*Sorry guys..Been travelling again...kinda busy..no time to do get connected..atleast not for too long..and the evenings when i get back,priority 1 is baddie...and maybe booze/movie/etc..sometimes...a blog and a computer dont figure in the list..hate the screen..it's my job..that's why :-/...will check up your blogs and get back to commenting..sometime next year ! :) Even these posts are drafted while commuting and then pasted here...horrible,i know ! so...sorry...*

A team-mate presented me with a "Err...Houston,we have a problem"-situation,coupla days back...
S: "4600 rows ! Of item master data ! each row to be segregated ! into group,category,type and subtype!"
Me: "ok...so ? Whats your point ? " :))
S: "But...it's 4600 rows ! there's no way we can do it ! we'll have to spend hours doing it row after stupidly meaningless row !"
Me: "Yaar,chill...ho sakta hai...What we use MS excel for,na...is just 10% of it's useful value...
Trust me..gimme half an hour to think and if i come up with something,Great ! Nahi toh...toh toh toh... :))"
S is a "bloody paki"..and i call him that..he in turn calls me "saala kafir !"...
:))
Day 1 was all formal intros..day 2..i walked in..and he asked me "so..ki haal-chaal?"...
I said "Allahtala ke rehmokaram se bahutaala.."...without thinking..
*It's an after-effect of watching too many inzibhai post-match press conferences..*
A :O from him later..we started chatting as tho we were long-lost friends..so,aajkal sab chalta hai :) Anyways..
I walked out...while he wrote the sql query to import all the data from the relevant tables...
I knew,there were enough joins to keep him busy for a week :)))
I tend to take a walk..when i need to think..helps to be alone,when you really,really need to think..
I used to pace before...Pacing kept me a lot more hassled...and didnt allow me to concentrate..as much..
It was a lot more adrenalin and aggro to take on a problem..rather than cool,calm thinking...
I prefer a walk now...so much more relaxed...
It's bright not-a-cloud-in-the-sky sunshine here...
And Muscat is ringed by mountains..beautifully-ruggedly-raw mountains...awesomely picture perfect..
Besides,the heat is pretty tolerable..and the sunlight is direct and really,really bright..
Wakes me up..so...a walk it is...
*Relevant 'Sehar' dialogue by Arshad Warsi's character -
"Meri maa kehti thee...Sooraj ki pehli kiranon ke saamne khade hone se..shareer ki thakaan door ho jaati hai... "
*
ok...focus..what do i need to do ?
Ok..step 1..step 2...step 3..hmm..slight problem..custom filter se ho jaana chahiye..
hmm...lets give it a shot...
I return to see the data ready...
Ok..Step 1..break the string..so that we can set a rule...use a space delimiter..Data >> text-to-columns...
Use the autofilter to search for specific characters - an ampersand,a comma,a hyphen,etc...
look for it in each of the broken string columns..Concatenate...Only for that set of filtered rows...
Give a space b/w concatenated columns...Find the string length using the function..trim,if above the allowed field size..to remove unnecessary spaces..
Auto filter again..custom filter for field size greater than allowed limit..make necessary changes..
Should be minor..since the same rule is applied for multiple rows..
If the rule had a problem,a large number of rows would have the same/similar problem..consequently,the rule would have to be changed...
And...Done ! Kazaaam !
*I know ! It's been a long time..and even shaquille o'neal knows now,that the movie was a huuuuggeee flop*
*Also...a li'l theatrical and melodramatic..but i try to end with a flourish..try to...so...:))*
Me: "Ready for Import into our db,sailor..."
S: "Aye,aye Captain ! kewl !"
Me: "Yeah...Treat are there !!! Chal talli hote hain..Dophar mein kabhi beer piya hai ?:)) "
*Half the time i am explaining the street slang that S gets to listen to in his hindi movie..uff !
Is a great fan of Ajay devgan..and loved his "phool aur kaantey"...yup..exactly that kinda guy :))*
S: "huh ? :O"
Me: "Hot day yaar...hot dudes too :))) Something to cool us down,eh ? First-time for me too - a beer in the afternoon ! Chal !"
and then..He asked me over lunch..
S: "Magar hero...why ? Why do it ? Why not give it to somebody who would do it row after row after row ? It's not our problem..."
*Reminds me of my first boss..AJ..an IIMB grad...over-achiever types..
"slow down..ritesh..slow down..i'm not as smart as you..breathe..1001..1002..1003...haan...ab bol,hero..." yeah,rite ! me "smarter than you ?!" sure !:)"*
* Funda time :
From the man himself,via..the dude himself ! :))
"Saying the number 1001,1002,etc is almost exactly the amount of time taken by 1 second...So if you ever want to time yourself..say 1001,1002,1003 and you are thru with 3 seconds..and so on..."
Hmm..cool,na..back to the topic..via the subtopic..past the aside :)))*
Me: "Bas..aise hi..laga challenging hai..excel mein punter nahi hoon..Thoda sa seekhoonga with this problem..seekh gayaa..."
And i remembered what Travolta tells Nate in "Phenomenon" when he's trying to decode a msg b/w 2 CIA stations...
N: "Why ? John,why ? " *After John insists on decoding..Eventhough Nate asks him repeatedly to keep off such sensitive stuff..*
J: "Bcos it gives me something to do,Nate !
I dunno if it's getting worse or getting better..but...*sigghhh*...
i have 12 hrs in the nite to kill..and..when i get tired of reading..
i do crossword puzzles.. but...they are all too simple..
*sarcastic laff at himself*
Too simple...Me ! and Too simple !!??"
:)

So..When somebody asks me - Why do i do,the things I do ?
Bcos,It gives me something to do,Nate ! Thats why !

My Play(boy)list...

Shocked ya,didnt I ? Well..that was the idea..
:P
Anyways...
Chweety's....(that nick still makes me go ha-ha-ha everytime I see it..sorry yaar..:) ...
Well,anyways,lemme start all over again...
Chweety's last comment about "My dil goes ummm..."..or..whatever ridiculous karan-johar movie track it was...made me think..no offence,chweety..i do that sometimes - think...
Out of sheer irritation,frustration...and all the other relevant rations..it made me wonder...
About the way the indian audience is suckered..everytime..with a "pink" movie..
very...very...garish..very,very loud...very,very in your face...typically north-indian delhi punju...simple funda - very very "pink"..so..no thank you...
So...I dont tend to listen to such tracks..And so..what do i listen to ?
My playlist...today...all day..on loop...on shuffle..cos,i like the unpredictability of it..

Courtesy : Musicindiaonline.com.What a site ! what a find ! And...my hard disk..No words...My entertainment console,i call it..yeah,i use it for work too,sometimes...

1. Aankhen : Phatela jeb sil jaayega - Ulti-funny track ! And increasingly becoming my mantra to tackle life.. head-on ! :)
2. Geetha - Jotheyali Jothe Jotheyali -All time favourite Kannada track..Enuf said..
3. Anbey sivam - Elai machi machi...thalai sutthi sutthi - Those lyrics are something i can totally identify with...tee hee...
4. Aerosmith - Pink..the video rocks..afsos,i dont have it here :-/ mp3 will have to do..for now..
5. AC/DC - Thunderstruck ! Ever heard of an enthu-upper/wakeup song ? This one is rite up there ! definitely !!
5. Mr Big - Be with you..damn,i still havent got a good quality mp3 of this ! after 4 years of looking for it ! :-/
6. Mast : Poocho na yaar kya hua..That "mimicry item" is soooo funny...
7. Love ke liye kuch bhi karega - Aslambhai -Ulti-funny track No. 2 ! Dubai ka chashma,cheen ki chaddi aur...eeeraani chai.. thakitadhoom !:))
8. DCH : Jaane kyon log pyaar karte hain...Jaane kyon ??? My question too ! (that actually rhymes! "kyon" and "too" ! WOW !!:)
9. Ocean's 11 OST : Elvis with "A li'l less conversation...A li'l more action pleaaase...All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me !"
10.Lakshya : "Kitni baatein","Lakshya" and "Mein Aisa kyon hoon ?" !!! ok..all tracks..Love them..Awesome !! khush ?!
11.Swades : Yun hi chalaa...Kailash kher rocks..Rabbi Shergill rulez..and Shibani Kashyap is the queen ! My queen ! sajanaa aaa bhi jaa..:)
12.Blur : Song 2..Electronic Arts' Fifa 98 game OST..wooooohoooo ! :) "Motey,woh game mujhe de de,motey !" :))
13.Maanasa Sarovara : Maanasa Sarovara..Eee Ninna manase...manasa sarovaraa...*sigggghhh...long long ago nyaapaka of home...banthu...*
14.Agni Natchitiram : Ninnukori Varanam (There's something called female grace....and then..there is Amala...Amala wins...hands down !)
15.Boom : Mundiyaan tu bachke rahi (When a firangi kudi sings this track,it is....sooo haaawwwwt ! I realised it this weekend at the Majan !:)
16.Bade Miyaan Chote Miyaan : Kisi Disco mein jaayeein Ummmmmhhh :))...Ooo ramkali mein tujhse dilo jaan pe marta hoon...lekin yeh sach hai tere...bhaai se darta hoon :)))
17.Amar Arshi : Kaala Chashma (it's called eve-teasing...in some places..i know ! I dont care..)
18.Strings : Anjaane(deeep...),Mera Bichada yaar-Latesht track...ulti-cool ! stringsonline.net download available..
19.Moodupani : En Iniya Pon Nilaave...Yesudaas never sang this well,ever after !
20.Avril Lavigne : So much for my Happy Ending..this babe rules,sitting on the altar of cynicism...helps that she's hot too...those kohl-lined eyes..a fantastic voice..pocket dynamite...indeed,some pocket dynamite ! :)
21.Kishore kumar : "chuudeee nahinn yeh meraaaa...dillll..hai...deeekho dekho dekho dekho...tootey na...seriously well put,dude ! :)
22.Love Story Theme : Andy Williams..Oliver,thy story isnt unique,and is oft repeated in the real world...fear not,you have lotsa company :-/
23.Pallavi Anupallavi : Naguva Nayanaaa...Nalivaa Mouna..
(why dont they make Dig movies like these anymore ? Last one i remember was "Bangaarada baale"...
Dealt with a chess player(Anant Nag playing a GM,no less !) trying to figure out who a certain female fan was..
He can only talk to her on the phone..and is trying to figure it all out,based on clues...puzzle of a movie..
Kinda depressing towards the end,tho..when he finally tracks her down....but...fantastic movie,nonethless...
Pity..We'll continue to be subjected to the bullshit from the Rajkumar-son-clan stable !
*Men: House :: Donkeys: Stable, rite ? Si Senor...Fit hai ! Ekdum fit ! :) *

Asides- "Pot for the day"-types :

1. Why's there a mirror at the back of a compass?To let you know who's lost...(The Gods must be crazy-2)
:))

2. Seen on a Yellow Volkswagen Beetle - a poultry delivery vehicle..over the weekend..
"Pulls more chicks than a Ferrari !" Ha !!:))