"I'm pretty tired..I think i'll go home now..."

Done..ready to quit...this place...
It's been something i have contemplated for some time now...
Ever since i realised..."dude...4 years...4 years !! of blogging !! :O"

The series of simulated shutdowns..a.k.a 'breaks'..have worked..
:)

So...I quit ritzkini.blogspot.com...Reasons...

1. I am angered by the ban on blogs,by the Indian Government..
This is as good a sign of protest as any.
Yes..the ban has been revoked..but the thot that i could be denied something..pretty much struck home..
I shldnt be so dependent on something/someone...so much so that i have a tough time..later..
There are enuf dependencies..to...not add one more...
:)

2. 7/11 made me realise a few things...

Dude..all your plans,ambitions,hopes,etc...can vanish in that one moment of madness...
Triggered by the mental imbalance in somebody else' mind..
He went thru something..so he was angry...
and he did..what he thot was a right..to right a wrong..a perceived wrong...
And there's not much you can do about it...
When somebody has intent,there's very little you can do to convince him/her,otherwise...

Whatever..So...
Either..I can live life to the fullest...and enjoy it,while it lasts...
or sit and write about it on a black screen...
after spending the whole day in office...in front of it..
losing out on both...time...and energy...
and the experiences I forego...to write a post...
Not worth it...I believe...

I have not finished a book/movie in one go,for a long time now...
both of which have worked as a good stress-reliever,for me...

A blog post took time at nite...
Work,play,drink,dinner...
And a post...kinda tiring,actually...

Reading the newspaper/novel/watching a movie...after that ?
Too late dude ! 1:30 AM !!! have to wake up at 7 !! 'Min 5-1/2 hrs nap time' !!
So..
:)

3. Contrary to how I sound here...
I am not really a very talkative person...
Most bloggers arent,i believe..
I was talking way too much recently...

Also...Am a bit of a loner...
ok,yaars..am a loner,i accept ! happy ?
:)
I like doing things i like...hate it when my agenda is messed up...
And...
I dont like my life being a 'Truman Show'...anymore...
And it's increasingly looking to me to have become one...
which i am not entirely comfortable with...
The initial thrill/satisfaction of...
"Wow ! People actually read my stuff..and like it !!" was great...i accept...
But..Ego needs..and will always need more..more..more..
And then..even the more seems...less...

Which is not really a good thing..
And..It's a good time to quit...
No loose ends...No remainders...
Complete HOTO...done...
(HOTO=Handover-takeover,a very typical term in my line of work..nonsense of course,both work and word...:)

Have made some good friends,here...Some loyal readers...thanks...from the heart..
:)
Some frank...very frank,hate mail...
*loved the hate mail more...cracks me up when i read them
"Wow ! Somebody really had a lotta time on their hands.."
:D*

So...Friends,foes,anybody-in-between...Inshallah,we'll meet sometime...
Thanks...for everything..
:)

4. Contrary..again..to how i sound here..
"I have.....goals"...
And..my time is currently very limited..both online...and chronological...
My job takes up much of my time...

It's not a job i love...neither is it a job i hate...
I work..they pay...simple...
I am decently good at it...Not great..not bad,either...
I get decently well-paid..no cribs about that,either...

*I have always believed that i would have been as good/bad/adequate at any other job...*
But...There's something called a "my calling"...
I think i have got it..for the first time in my life..a 'lakshya'...
And...I hope to reach it..someday...hope,keyword...

Step 1...needs some ground work...

Step 1's backup plan..
needs me to be in india...which again needs some groundwork...
working on it..scheming...on how not to be sent abroad..again...
A visit to Israel..is planned...
An israeli visa ensures a non-visa to most middle-east countries...
Which is the geography my company is focussing on..
Which means...i will not be sent..again..
And will be domestic or offshoring projects..
which is exactly what i want..
Inshallah...plan=reality...
:D

And...My calling...
This job definitely isnt..it...This industry,in itself,isnt...
I dont see myself doing stuff i do,today....even next year ! Forget 5 years from now !
:D
"I ran to get where I was going..I never thot,it would take me anywhere..."
Exactly..
:)
So...i need to work towards my objective..
Which demands will-power...something i have lacked..always..

Rage...and restlessness...has always fuelled my will-power...before...
And blogging kinda keeps me calm...
2+2 makes 4...and 4 minus 2..is 2...

So..I need to quit blogging...to be bored/a-cat-on-a-hot-tin-roof..
And even hope to reach my goal...hope..is the keyword...again...
:)

Well...those for you...were some of the reasons i have decided to quit....and intend to stick to it...

But..most important reason...of all...
The reason...
is the statement above,that i have a big problem with...
the 'you'...from the "those for you"
:)

When i write...
bcos,i need to make a point to others...instead of making a point..to myself...
I have a problem...
Beats the funda of blogging,i feel...
a private...but public diary...kinda confusing...
If i have made the point to myself,i dont need to write it...
And if i am sure...i dont need to know,again..
This was and will always be,my archives..
What i went thru b/w 24..and 28...
A fantastic makeover..
:)
Some..for the better...some for the infinitely worse...
:D

Some i am proud of..some not-so-proud of..
I have no regrets...I lived life..contentment..
:)

Going forward...I intend to pretty much do everything possible...in this world...
From Travel show production..to abstract art...to becoming a politician..Someday..
:)

Which means i need to be able to move on...from one thing to another..without pain..and getting stuck...
This is one more step towards the larger goal..
Having the ability to take up/quit something..anytime i want to...
And be successful at whatever i do take up...
I see no boundaries..to intent..and focus..and possibilities...
So...I quit..

And...This place..was innocuous..uninteresting..boring...random...before...
had no blogrolling code..no comment box...no statcounter...no nothing..before...
And was therefore fun...to me !

Today..it's a shopping mall...with AC !
*Hate the damn thing...symobolizes,to me..all thats artificial in this world,An AC !*

Shopping mall...huge..glitzy...brite lights...capitalist-pig-dream-come-true !
*Yes..Am..and will be always be a left-of-the-right commie...
:D*

Something i let this place become..unconsciously...
Something I did..

No issues with any of you..
Just me...and my absurdities...
:)

Impersonal..cold..one more like so many others...This place...
Unlike some other places where things are written..from the heart..
Look them up on the left...on my blogrolling list..some real gems..
:)
So...

And...Ask anyone amongst our generation...And the answer is always the same...
"I want to be different...alagh! "
:)
Well..how different am I...if all of us think like that ?
:)

So...while nobody knew about the word...'blog'...i started...
And when everyone seems to have a blog,now..i quit...
:)
'Alagh',na ??
:D

Anyways..
Forget it...am done...i know it...and that... for me..is enuf...
So...
"I am pretty tired..I think i'll go home now.."

And please dont say..
"Well..what are we supposed to do...now ?!!!"
:(

PS: If i have got to know you via this place,please do stay in touch via mail..
I promise to reply asap...
And...Thanks..for everything...
"Accha saath diyaa safar mein..."
:)
No..i dont intend to reply to comments..to this post..if any..
or visit..this...or any of your places..anymore..
A shutdown..to me..should be a complete shutdown..
Kinda like an old girlfriend...unnecessary pain/memories...
Unnecessary...
:)
So...final bye..
inshallah..shabba-khair...
:)

Phew...thak gaya...lamba tha,nahi..
:D

The Spam i get...

Here...and here... and...more...

'Owner of a lonely heart'...indeed !
:D
Proved...Spammers are a lonely bunch of people..

DMAN !

Wah...Even the 'Damn !' isnt cooperating...
Perfect !
*Yes...I could have edited the "DMAN"...but i believe in the signs...maybe it's a sign...
Good..or bad...only time will tell...*
:-/

Two of my good friends...are going through a particularly confusing time...
Two very fun souls...otherwise...
Two...that always had a smile when i saw them...
And could play 'table tennis', just like that...

*'table tennis' is the word i use to denote...
An ability to hit right back with the same amount of power to a...smash...
In this case,an insult...a sarco-remark...an intellectual-leg-pulling-sparring-session invitation...
:)
Am not great at the return...so....i tend to start the session..
:D
The word...Comes from my observation of the game...table-tennis..
Where the guy who uses force to hit a smash is at a disadvantage...always...
The opponent has to just place his bat at the pitch of the ball..at a certain angle..without trying to smash back...
and..voila..return...
at same speed....
No exagerrated movement..no unnecessary flourish...easy..effective..simple...
:)
I hit the smash...and they returned..
I am disoriented...confused...at a loss for words..advantage...lost...game...lost...
:-/
One of them..
The guy is awesome at it ! Makes me crack up when i see his consistency at good returns...
both..in the game...and in life...
:)
The other...is a girl..
So...she thinks...before she talks..and is therefore...smart...
:)*

Well...I hate it...when they are down..
Doesnt come naturally to both of them..sporting a sulking expression...
and self-pity is a quality i loathe...especially in other people...
We are lucky to be alive and perfectly healthy,yaars...
I believe,that in itself,is a gift...

So..please get over this heart-break phase...
Problem hai..toh problem hai !

We know,both you and I..that..there are 2 ways of solving it..

1. Take it head-on..and eliminate it...No problem...therefore no solution needed...
By talking it out...with the other person...not with me !
Mujhko bolke kuch faaydaa nahi hoga,my dears...
Hameshaa...fayede ki socho...
:)
Doesnt get you anywhere...telling me,ya know..
And...please dont say "Life's like that"...
Cos,if you will it...'Life...can be..exactly...like what-you-want-it-to-be !'

or...

2.Easier option...My...option...Works..for me...
Run away from the problem...
I have zero will-power...in these matters...
And so...i run away from the problem..always have..maybe...always will...
And get into something else so deeply that I dont have the time to think abt it...
Work...Play...etcetra...
and that etcetra...includes another 'love-soap-drama-episode'...
:D
Easier..too..falling in love,again...verrryyy...
:D

So..think about it..decide...and please stick to it !
No repentance..no going-backs...no sulks...
and..please...NO SELF-PITY !!!
Atleast...cos,I HATE IT !!

Inshallah...alhumdulillah...vijaayi bhava...
:)

PS: I do need a chat with 'The Guru'..
Long time since i did...
And i have had a direction everytime i have spoken to him...
"Hello,sir...Kini pesaren...how are you ? "
"Solla da KaNNa..."
And...I am back to normal...
:)

PPS: A week since it happened...today...at 6:24 PM IST..when the first one went off..
2 mins silence,please...It's the least we can do..
Thanks...

Salaam bombay..

The events of the last week have...
1.Spoilt my mood...considerably..
2.Made me wonder..'It could so easily have been me...'
3.Made me question some very fundamental beliefs i have had..for years now...
4.And our callousness...and...our ability to continue living a normal life...while people die...everyday...around us...kashmir,lebanon,israel...and now bombay..again..
5.Confused me...ki...all it took for bombay to bounce back...was 4 hrs..4 hrs...after the blasts...the trains were back on WR..and they hadnt even stopped..on CR and harbour lines...
A heartless city...or a bull-headed one ??
Whatever...salaam bombay..
I thot i had lost the ability to be surprised by events...
And...Bombay and I have had a love-hate relationship..
But..mygod ! does it continue to amaze me,or wot !

A Silent tribute to all my dead comrades...
I have been the recepient of dhakkas...and affection..both at the same time..on those coaches...
From Fat gujjus that i used to elbow,cos that was the only way to counter their girth...
To...receiving Tirupati prasad from complete strangers..inspite of trying to confuse them by saying.."I'm a muslim !"

I am sure i have met atleast a few of those souls who passed away in that instant..And on behalf of them,i ask..
My question is the "Why ?"
And not the "Who ?"
Why ? What made you do this ? What pushed you to the edge ? Was it so horrible an experience for you...that you were willing to place a bomb in a packed train ? Revenge ?

chodo..yaar...doesnt matter...they are dead...
And their family cant be consoled...it's a loss that they will be burdened with,for life..
Simply cos,he was just trying to reach home...as soon as he possibly could..

Bombay will bounce back...bcos,it is bombay,after all...
And..it doesnt have the time for punishments,and courts,and revenge..
Time is money...money is time....and thats all that matters...
Character...and spirit...comes somewhere in between...
a generous sprinkling of it...

Salaam bombay....

Message sent..1 message received...

SMSing..Text msging..ultra-stupid-forwards-sending...is an addiction,i am hooked on to..
Yes...I am one more amongst the '159-characters generation'...
*That how long a single txt msg can be...So...*

(Am adept at it with my left hand,too..but...
I know a few people who can do it faster...with 2 hands !
And i am not talking about the dudes,who play 'Snake'...at full speed..in an overcrowded train !)

I have never been much of a long-phone-call person...
Hate the damn thing next to my ears...
Even the time,i used earphones...The blue-tooth devices looked super-stupid !
*My old phone,while in bombay...had FM radio and i was always plugged in...but,never comfortable...*

So..When i tap away..furiously at the keypad..dictionary on...
Some gems...appear..

'kini'...'king'..
*Destiny ? Dunno...Guess,Nokia knows...Fingers crossed...inshallah,inshallah...:D*

'First name'...'riverg'..
*Calm..serene...cool..changes path,rarely ? personality trait ? but then..it's a gujju name..Enuf said... :-/*

'Shubham'..'Pitchan'...
*Pitchan ? Somewhere close to 'Pichakaran' ? :D
Haan,bahut 'cheapu' ho gaya hai...sends the same msg to everybody..
'hi pal,i am fine...had a taste of the deluge in bombay...hope you are fine..'
Status msg ! :-/*

'Surd'..'Sure'...
*Ok..some gadgets are not error-free...Nokia ko dosh do ! Sure...Surd..is surd...:))
When he calls I am 'outside,call me/will call later..
When i call,he's busy driving/eating/sleeping/shitting/all of the above...*

'Deebs'...'Defar'...
*Haan...Real far...Deebs left permanently for New yaaark, last week...:(
and when she called,from New york no less,i was playing cricket and winning,for a change...So,asked her to call back or gimme a number..she did neither :-/*

'Abbe'....'Babe'...
*Abbe...is a word that i tend to use a lot...goes for my guypals...and my girlpals :)
And yeah..most of them are babes...yeah,yeah...guys,included...:D*

'F^*%'...Dual...Single baar star..'Duck'..
*We are old enuf to not use the word directly,anymore...but not that old that we not use it at all,so :)*

'I love you'...'I love you'...
Hmm..smart...Nokia Engineers know their stuff...
Guess,its easier to say it over a msg..than over a call/in person...
Cos..
1. It's so much tougher saying it in person/ over a call.
2. Electronic gadgets cost more in maintenance and follow-ups..Just like Love...
3. Kehna (ahem...Likhnaa)... Aasaan hai..
Karna...aur saath nibhaana...not quite...
:)

So tap/type away and see what turns up...

Soda-buDDhis..

Once upon a time...
Girls with glasses/specs/4-eyes...were called soda-buDDhis..
by adolescent,adrenalin-pumping,angry-at-the-world-for-no-reason guys..like me.....

But bygawd ! They are suuuuccchhh a turn-on to me,the last few years...
Seriously !
"Kal shaam ko ruwi ki bheed mein jo soda-buDDhi dekhi, she was soooo alag !!"
:D

It's the think-before-you-talk-to-me-i-am-smart-! quotient wafting thru,i guess...
Whatever...
Clothes never did maketh a (wo)man...but glasses definitely doth...

PS: A short post..for a change...
Also..i am talking so much nowadays,that i have a throatache,end of the day..
The perils of day-long training sessions..

Why ? Bcos the sky is so high....

Mom...was single...and had to handle 2 very inquisitive kids...
Lotsa 'Whys ?'...

*Dad was abroad...for 5 years...5 years, when the 'Why's' from us..were at their maximum..he therefore,got off easy :)*

Single Mom...Full-time job...
Single Mom...office-job too...
Single mom...very little time..lotsa things to do...
All..handled...taken care of...
She had her methods...
:)

So..When I was eating a particularly bony fish,the other day...
and having a tough time negotiating it,i was reminded...
Of how mom used to tackle our questions...
:)

"Why does a chicken have bones ? It is so tough to eat it..."
"Maybe thats God's way of telling us...to not eat other animals..."
*Mom..is a strict vegetarian..all women of that family are...The next generation of girls,are 'liberated'...
Cos, We were intro-ed to the 'pleasures of the flesh'...by our uncle...
And its not something she approves of...to this day...
It doesnt come naturally to me...eating non-veg grub...
It's a habit i picked up,in hostel...surrounded by people who would have eaten me,if i had been vegetarian..
i have a tough time with the bones..to this day...*

"Why are mustard seeds put in our food ?"
"So that you spend time eating it,after a meal..and not bother me while i do the dishes..."
*I still wonder,whats the point of adding mustard to a dish ?!! they dont add any taste,or colour...
It's a different matter altogether,that i pick on the leftover seeds after a meal...for hours,if left to myself...Mom doesnt le(f)t me...*

"Why does 'Automan-uncle' have a black mark on his forehead ?"
"Bcos their women..muslim women..dont wear a bindi..
Their men have the 3rd eye...just like hindu women...
And...to protect others from it's destructive powers,they have a black mark...while hindus..wear bindis..."
*Automan-uncle was our tiffin-carrier man...he ferried our lunch to school,everyday...
I have never carried a lunch-box...ever..to school,college..or work...
I was so confused by that answer,i asked the man,himself...after mustering a lotta courage..he was built like an ox !
He explained that it was bcos of the Namaaz,5 times a day...The forehead touches the ground..It's a soft part..and is therefore darkened...
All old Muslim men have that dark spot,if you notice :)*

"Why do hindi movie villains have a mole on the left cheek,just below the eye..
And...beautiful girls,a mole just above the upper lip..on the left ??"
"To let us know,incase we didnt realise it,already...that he is the villain...
and she is the heroine..."
*I still wonder sometimes...
Today's anti-heros...Why dont they get it clear,man ??!!
You either love the heroine,or want to murder her...
You love her..and therefore want to kill her ? intriguing...
Maybe...different-shades-in-a-guy funda,i guess...hmm...*

"Why do you talk for hours on the phone with aunt ? Everyday !!!"
"Bcos...we are sisters...and sisters...talk..."
*You cant argue with that,now...can you ? :)
Our phone bills..are a constant source of irritation to Dad...
My Mom never did bother listening to him...The conversations continue...
"Today the Maid's-sons-first-wife's-second-daughter's-eldest-brother-in-law's-kid....had breakfast..."*
:-/

"Why do i need to wear clothes ?"
"Bcos...If we didnt...clothes would not be of much use to us,now..would they ?"
*I hated wearing clothes..still do...
Why do i need to be all-neat-and-tidy for some arbit-person's wedding ??!
Meri shaadi thodi hi ho rahi hai !!*

"Why dont we have a car ? Why doesnt Dad buy one ?"
"Bcos...i dont know driving...neither does dad...
Why dont you learn driving ? and we will buy a car,immediately.."
*I was 11...
:-/
We still dont own a car...and i still dont know..how to drive a car...*

"Why doesnt uncle have a wife ?"
"Maybe you shld ask 'her' that..."
*Am still confused abt that one...was it just a slip of tongue...the 'her' part...
or did she mean...why isnt the girl...who would eventually become his wife,his wife yet....destiny funda ??
Intriguing..again...*
*Uncle,Mom's youngest bro..was a bachelor,until age 42...a role-model to a lot of us,cousins..
he is now married..after love at 42 !!
and father to a nephew of mine...
I do to my nephew,what uncle used to do to me...revenge fundas...
He used to grab me by the feet and hold me upside down...
Or..throw me up in the air..and catch me inches off the ground...
While i giggled nervously...maniacally...he thot i enjoyed it..i didnt ! His son doesnt,either when i do it !! :D
Some vague Godfather-to-me-so-i'll-bring-him-up-like-a-man-all-rough-and-tough-types funda,i guess :-/*

"We go to granny's house so regularly...Why dont we all stay together,then ?"
"Bcos..We would not have as many autorickshaw rides,to get from our place to theirs,then,would we...Something i know,you enjoy.."
*Granny stayed with my bachelor uncle...and we landed up there,every other day..all grand-kids...
i still remember the rickshaw fare,b/w the 2 places...3 rupees 20 paisa,exactly...
:)*

"Why...?"
*Mid-sentence interruption...by Mom...*
"Why do you ask so many 'why's',dear ?"
*Point...point made...very well...
:)*

Calvin...had a dad..to keep him satisfied...
but...confused...
I have a Mom...She fulfills the same role..
:)

*My Dad is not a party to such efforts...
"Why are you asking me ? ask Mom...She knows better..."
is his retort...
He has a grumpy-after-work-and-commute daughter to contend with,now...ha !*

And..That...is the problem with having a great...and normal childhood...
Most questions were answered...and some basic fundamentals solidified...unfortunately...
This is wrong..This is rite...
This is black and white...
Anything grey...is just not worth it...
:)
I dont ask too many whys now...
I know most of the answers...even before i ask them,nowadays...
Cos,if i am asking myself...
"Is doing this,rite ?"
Then,it definitely isn't...
For..if it is right,you will not even think of asking yourself the question...
:)